It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
