Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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