I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
