You just made me feel so damn special
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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