yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
