I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
