God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
