8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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