Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
