I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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