and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
