Where is the hickey?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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