Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
