I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
