he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line