Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth