So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?