I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks