Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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