He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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