He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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