And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
