grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
