she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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