it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
