Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
