Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
