Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
