as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
