Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
