You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
