dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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