Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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