I got chris browned last night
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize