jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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