you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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