Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
