sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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