I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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