I didn't shave. On purpose
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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