So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
