She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
