so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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