theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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