fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
