You don't have asthma, your pregnant
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
