on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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