How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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