It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
