wakey wakey hands off snakey
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize