sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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