as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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