Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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