direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
