it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
