If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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