the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
