are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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