Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
