do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
