idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
