At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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