First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
