Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
