toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
