I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
