you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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