Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
