i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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