Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
