where am i from again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
