6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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