Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
