New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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