Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
