I will die if light touches me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
